Patiently Waiting

I try to read other blogs and surf adoption forums/groups to help make this unfamiliar process a little less intimidating. I truly believe the process of adoption is unique to each person and it is what you decide it to be. It helps to hear others stories to help open your eyes to things you never thought about before.

One topic keeps coming up and it completely irks me ( for lack of a better term). I truly wish people would look at the bigger picture. Many waiting pre-adoptive parents ( mostly waiting moms) talk about how they are tired of waiting and how they "hate" pregnant people. REALLY?? (Doesn't someone have to be pregnant for you to get a baby through adoption?) I even read a post from a lady who was glad her sister-in-law had a miscarriage because she had been waiting longer for her adoption and she felt it wasn't fair that her sister-in-law was going to get a baby before she was. REALLY?? Now come on. I have never wished anything bad on an expectant mother. I am happy when others announce their pregnancy. I am glad I get invited to baby showers. I am happy when I get to visit my friends & family's little ones. I am upset when I'm not told about someones pregnancy because they feel I will be hurt. I do understand how sometimes I get a little twinge of hurt that vibrates through me...the one that whispers...I wish I could've had a baby with my hands/eyes/feet...but never would that hurt wish pain for another person. I believe you are given what you can handle in life. I can handle this...it will make me a stronger person...and this strength will make me a better parent. So...in case you were wondering...I am not one of those mean grumpy baby avoiding waiting adoptive moms to be. Please invite me to your baby showers...please let me hold your baby...let me be happy for you. I know you will be happy for me when I get to be a mother.

L is 14.5 weeks now. She will schedule her 20 week u/s this coming week. Then begins the count down to find out if it is a boy...or a girl. We are going to find out. I know L wants to know...and if she knows...we will know...I don't think she could keep it a secret.

There's really a baby?!!

So..here are the pics from L's U/S. There arent the greatest....as I do not have a scanner and I performed the "ghetto" scan job...aka taking a picture of a picture. Chuckle, chuckle. I am still in awe and am hoping this is my child. But right now I have to tell myself...its just a baby. Not my baby....L's baby. 27 more weeks....are you kidding me!

L's 12 week ultrasound

On friday (4/3) L had her 12 week ultrasound. She asked if I would go and I eagerly accepted the offer. Mike unfortunately was not able to make...and L was a little vague on if she was comfortable with him being there...so he got a play by play script from me later that night. Since this was only the 2nd time I've met with L , I was once again a little anxious. It was much easier this time but you still feel the pressure of wanting to make a "perfect" impression to someone who is considering giving you their child. I of course arrived early...and got to see the hospital where we might be spending sometime this fall. I have driven by it several times but never even realized it was a hospital. Inside they have a spacious lobby with cozy comfortable seating and a grand piano which plays softly in the background. I choose a seat near a waterfall....which is funny because I didnt even notice the water fall until a lady in a wheelchair whom struck up a conversation with me commented on the waterfall behind me. It was calming to sit there and daydream of what the future may hold as I sat there and waited for L. I could envision my family waiting in the lobby...I could envision Mike pushing a stroller across the parking lot...it was comforting. Im glad I was early. I dont think I have ever thought about what it would be like in the hospital...so I am glad this was a nice chance to think about the little details.

Anyways...you want to hear about the ultrasound!! After waiting about an hour...(this is a womens hospital in the city so a "few" women go there to give birth) .... we finally were able to go back in the room for the appointment. The baby was very active for about 10 mins. Jumping around like a little bean. I was expecting to see a little alien looking bean but was much more defined and really looked like a baby. It was moving its arms over head and kicking its legs. Then the baby would fall asleep...which is really funny. At first you panic..thinking whats wrong...but hey...the little one has to sleep too. Then the baby would jump around...almost like a hiccup and go back to sleep. Their little heart was fluttering the whole time....they measured it at 156 beats per min. The whole time L was asking all sorts of questions...and was really hoping they would give her an earlier due date. They never did...and she is bummed about that..and I dont blame her! In the end she handed me the ultrasound pictures and didnt want them back. I am sure it would be hard to have pictures of the baby around right now. I am so amazed at how strong she is and how much she is offering us. I sometimes wonder if I would be able to do what she is doing....I cant imagine what it is like. I continue to send her wishes for continued strength and healing during this whole process. The whole day was truly amazing and I was completely drained after the experience. I will try to post the u/s pics once I figure out how to scan the picture. Im sure I will be carrying them around with me....so ask if you want a peek!!

The Other Side

Many of you have talked to me or read about our side of the adoption story. But how many have you talked to a birthmother about her experience? Please grab a few tissues and watch the following video. It reveals the pain a birthmother goes through. It reminds me that the process of adoption is so joyous and so painful all in a single moment. I really think my heart hurts....and I feel for L. I cant imagine.

He Deserves More - A BirthMother's Story

Tomorrow is L's 12 week ultrasound....and I get to go!! Watch for updates this weekend!!