Where did the month go????

I do realize that I have not written for almost a month now. Nothing new has taken place with the adoption...Mike and I continue to patiently wait. We are enjoying our time as just the two of us and neither one of us are jumping at the sound of the phone yet.

Current happenings in the Kreider house: I was able to meet little Liam, Missy's son last weekend and he is a joy. I do hope that we get as lucky as she did because he is such a content little guy. Mike even held Liam and did really well! Kelly and Tanner were here earlier in the week as they were both flying to Seattle to see Jason one last time before he leaves the states. Tanner has LOTS of energy....we had lots of fun with him. We are picking them up from the airport tonight and they are staying the whole week. We are happy that we get to spend time with both of them. I'm sure I will learn how to baby proof my house while he is here.....since after one night with him we already made several changes!! I do believe that Mike and Tanner will be become buds this upcoming week. Mike and I also spent a night recently with my U12 soccer team and their families for a fundraiser event. Mike has now gotten to spend some quality time with an infant, a toddler and pre-teens this past month. I am trying to break him in to the idea that we are now entering this world of parenting. I think he is learning the notion of a childs innocence and how wonderful that is.

It has been snowing off and on this week and now the ground is covered. Mike has started sending me emails at work about when the slopes open and he has already taken in our boards to be waxed. So....shortly I'm sure we will be flying down the side of a mountain with boards strapped to our feet. When you think of it that way...we seem a little.....crazy.

One last thing...as most of you know I volunteer at the local women's shelter. This season I have signed up to "adopt a family" for the Christmas season. I will be getting a Wish List from them this upcoming week. If anyone would like to donate items or gift cards for this family send me an email. I will be shopping for them throughout the next few weeks. There are also general donations which are needed and I will pass along this list also.

I wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving!

Pale Sunshine

Thats the name of the paint I picked for the "nursery"...which is still currently our spare bedroom and will remain so until we have a little one around. I decided on a whim today to go ahead and paint the room. I truly hate painting and wanted to cross that job off my list of to-dos. With the holidays right around the corner....I didnt want to get stuck with painting if we ended up with a baby sooner than we expect. Everyone urged me not to paint the room yellow...saying that it is too stimulating for babies...but you can only tell it is pale yellow in the right light...it mostly looks like a cream or off white. I must say that it looks 100 times better than the stark white primer that has been on the wall since we bought our house!
Nothing else is new with the adoption...we continue to wait. In the meantime...April and Jason welcomed their first son, Benjamin Edward, into the world on 10/23. I had my last soccer game with the U12 girls team...we finished the fall season 4-1-3...we got better at scoring as the season went on! The high school team lost in the 2nd round of playoffs therefore we are done for the season. They played great all season and am very proud they made it that far in the playoffs. Our high school league has around 60 teams...so I am happy that we made it into the top 15!
I am now going to spend the next month relaxing and crossing things off my "to-do" lists.

"The Book"

Its been awhile since I last posted so I thought I would write a little update. We handed in our profiles to the agency last weekend and were placed in "The Book" this week. We now have nothing left to do but WAIT!! I have been very busy lately so I am glad we are waiting and have nothing left to do. Our profile is also up on the website....check it out : www.childrenshomepgh.org ( Go to adoption and waiting families )

Things that have been keeping me busy: I sadly said goodbye to my brother as he left for his second tour in Iraq. We are all sad and will greatly miss him this coming year...please say a prayer for him. Also, Missy welcomed her son, Liam James, into the world on Saturday. I am so happy for them and can't wait to meet the little guy. More good news...my high school soccer team won the first game in playoffs yesterday. We are excited and will play again on Tuesday.

Amongst all of this I have had a bad cold the past two weeks and am just starting to sound like myself again. I blame my U12 girls soccer team....they like to hang on me like a coat rack.

November should be a slower month...but I often say that...and it usually doesn't happen!! Once again thank you to everyone for your support. We both are thankful to have such great people in our life!!

Thank You!

I normally don't post during the week because of all the things that I need to do but I wanted to tell everyone Thank You! We sent out our profile this weekend to over 100 people and I am amazed at all the emails we have received in support. All the positive comments and warm wishes were truly heart touching for both Mike and I. Sometimes when you are on this end you are unsure how others will feel about adoption and the whole process. We have at times been hesitant to announce that we are adopting for fear it will be challenged...no one wants something dear to them to be challenged or rejected. We have had the opposite response from our family and friends and we want to thank all of you for your support. I will keep these emails for the times when the wait gets long...to help me remember all the love and support we have...and that all of this love will be waiting for our baby. Thanks!!

Waiting!!

We finished all the paperwork, the classes, and the homestudy this week!! All we have left to do is send in our freshly printed profiles to the agency and we are in the books!! Now the hard part starts...or at least thats what everyone says. The dreaded wait time. Our social worker hinted that things are slow right now...but also said that you never know when things will get busy again. We are content where we are right now...and are ok with a little waiting....even a year of waiting. Like always have lots to do today...so little time to post. I will try to post once in awhile to discuss any news while we are waiting. Spread the word about the Childrens Home for us....and pray for our baby to find its way home!

Who said this takes so long???

When we sent in our application I imagined this process taking 6+ months to complete the paperwork and homestudy. BUT.....we will we done and "waiting" next week!!!! I can't believe it!!! Now....who knows when our child will come home...but we will be WAITING!!!! Everything has been going smoothly and Mike and I are learning lots in our classes. Last week we discussed the risks one takes in adoption...from birthfamilies lifestyles...to legal risks...to medical issues. I was anxious for this class to occur because I wanted to know all about prenatal drug exposure....unknown birthfather issues....mental health history. I figured the more I know the better decisions I could make....and that is true. The biggest lesson I am learning though...is about who I am as a person....what my values are...what I believe in. I tend to be open-minded and non-judgemental. I also tend to be spiritual but not specifically religious. As these risks were presented and reviewed in class I realized that these traits were going to help me through this process and will help me accept my child for who they are and where they came from. Often it is hard accepting those who are different from us and choose to lead different lifestyles. It is hard for us to understand why one doesn't stay on the medicine that treats their mental health issue...why one can't just stop using drugs...why one doesn't practice safe sex when they are getting a academic scholarship to a good college. But do we always make the right decisions...do we not make mistakes too?? What I have learned about myself this past week is that I am not perfect and I cannot expect the birthmother of my child to be perfect. Life is complicated and I am no one to judge anothers choices and decisions. I am learning that even though I have had tough times I have wonderful people in my life whom were able to help me through those tough times and that I am very fortunate. My focus has switched to learning to accept who my child's birthparents will be despite the large chance that they will lead very different lifestyles than me. Realizing all of this I have learned that you have to just jump and hope you land on something soft...that you have to believe that something greater than you is there to protect you. My faith makes me believe that whatever situation I am given was meant for me and that I can handle it. I challenge everyone in my life to think about what they believe in and what their values are. Hopefully in the near future you will have a new family member...I hope everyone can accept where they came from....without judgement.


On a side note: Everyone I talk to about adoption states the following phrase at least once during the conversation: "Adoption is a roller coaster...but it is worth it." This summer I went to Hersheypark....I loved the roller coaster!!

The Foster Care Program

Mike and I attended our 2nd class and 4th homestudy meeting this week. At our class we talked about the foster care program. This program has nothing to do with the state run program as it is run by the agency for only birthparents who are working with the agency. The program is designed to place children in temporary homes until the birthmother / birthfather decides if they want to parent or place the child for adoption. This program prevents a disruption where a child is taken out of an adoptive home and placed back with the birthparents. The average length a baby is in foster care is between 3-6 months. At first I was a little disappointed with the average length of time but I do realize there pros and con's to this. Of course the con's are obvious.....missing out on their first few months of life. But the pros are....maybe getting a baby who is sleeping more through the night, spending 12 weeks at home with a baby who is starting to develop more interaction skills, and of course...not having a disruption. So once again I will go back to my favorite phrase at this time in my life.....there is a child that is meant for us...and they will find us when they are ready.
During our 4th homestudy meeting we talked about us as a couple. Our social worker made me laugh when she told us that she had been a marriage counselor before this job for 10 years. I'm sure she has never lost that counselor mentality....I wonder what she was really thinking about our marriage!! The more we meet the more comfortable and at ease I feel with this whole process. I see now that all these meetings are very necessary.....she has to know who were are to represent our best interests.
One other important decision Mike and I have made is about when to tell our family and friends we have been matched with a child. After our discussion at the class and a few examples of things that can happen we have decided not to tell anyone about a match until we are heading home with the baby. I know that seems a little extreme but let me explain. Ideally we will be matched a few weeks before the birth , go to the hospital and come home with the baby....that scenario happens maybe 40% of the time. More likely we will be matched with an infant in foster care and then there is always a chance of being matched, being at the hospital, meeting the baby and then the birthmother decides to parent. It will be hard enough for us to hear about possible scenarios, maybe being matched and it falling through for us.....but it will be much harder having to explain to all of our friends and family what happened...over ...and over...and over again. We also may have the scenario of being matched 3 months before the birth....having 3 months to "attach" to the idea of having a child soon to only have it fall through post birth. These scenarios happen....and that is why we are going to spare are family and friends of the roller coaster ride. Now at times we may come to our friends and family for support when a match has fallen through. We hope that everyone understands our wishes and will be supportive with this decision. Plus....can you imagine getting a call from us describing the new family member....how exciting!!! Most of you know that I am VERY bad at keeping surprises but this is one I am really going to try and do. Hopefully we wont have to wait to long!

First "Class"

Mike and I attended our first adoption class this week. We were anxious to see how many others were starting the process at the same time...there are 8 other couples in the class with us. Everyone seemed very nice but we did not get a chance to interact that much at this class. Our social worker talked about entitlement and attachment during the adoption process. It is comforting to know that even though the process is different than if you were pregnant both of these things do occur just slightly different when you are adopting. We then discussed the "dear birthmother" letter / profile. This is the letter that the birthmothers look through to choose their family. This is one thing I have been anxious about writing. How do you write a letter to someone who will change your life forever?? We got a chance to read over a dozen letters from past adoptive families....after reading a few they all sound the same and one begins to wonder how the birthparents ever decide on a family! I have started a rough draft of our letter....it has a little creative twist which I hope will set it apart from the other letters. We also discussed networking which we need to complete. We have to send out 100 emails with our profile attached....basically telling the world we are adopting. So all of you reading this blog....send me an email with email addresses of anyone I can send our profile to. The overall purpose is to locate a birthmother through an acquaintance. The agency said they recently placed one family this way...though most of their referrals and matches come through the local hospitals. Other important facts from the class: wait time is on average from 1-2 years....some being placed sooner and some waiting up to 4 years. So...we could wait a month or we could wait 4 years. We are hoping sooner than the later.....so help us network!!!! Also....finalization usually takes up to about one year.....6 months (at the longest) for all rights to be terminated. We should be done with all of our classes and homestudy by the first week in October...after that we are officially "waiting"....or as those in adoption land say...."paper pregnant!" They make t-shirts with that statement....maybe I should get one and loom around Babies-R-Us....would that be called networking??

An update on the last blog....Mike enjoyed yesterday at the dealership filling out paperwork for our new Toyota Urban Runner! It is now in the garage....it's a sweet ride as Mike would say. More importantly the car seat fits in the middle back seat. Hopefully we will get to utilize this in the next year!

Keep the car or get a SUV???? The infant car seat debate!

So what would a major life changing event be without adding the complexities of car shopping? Mike always knows what deal the Toyota dealer is offering on the 4 Runners....especially now that gas prices are so bad and the SUV market is terrible. We have always wanted a 4 runner...not sure why.....I guess more because we both like it. Now that they have such good deals on the 4 runners Mike once again spent Saturday afternoon at the dealership just getting some quotes. I have learned from previous excursions to stay at home...nothing really will be decided the first trip to the dealership. When he got home he reviewed with me the "quotes"and I, like always, didn't know what to say....my thoughts are do we need a bigger vehicle ...do we need to spend more money on gas...how much more to we need to pay per month. This time though I thought I had the perfect answer.....and it all had to do with a car seat. I simply asked..."Will a car seat fit in my car now ?" Well....that night....we went car seat shopping!!! Only Mike and I would buy a car seat to determine if we are going to buy a different car! Of course we will need a car seat in the future...and some may say that we are jumping the gun....but oh well...we now have a complete travel system with a car seat and stroller! This is our first big baby purchase...it was out for an hour as we put it in both cars to see how it fit and now it is back in the box..stored nicely in the garage. Unfortunately we are still undecided on what to do...the car seat fit in my car but not ideally...and the stroller takes up a lot of the trunk. So now we have to determine which vehicle will suit our needs the best. We had fun at Babies-R-Us picking on the car seat and stroller...and I must admit....Mike had a good time...he was all into figuring out how they worked...and folded up..and locked into place. I can only imagine what he will be like when he has a little one to play with!
(By they way...the picture is the stroller we picked out. Against the advice of my two pregnant friends I decided to go with the Chicco stroller. They both have Gracos....but I never want what everyone else has!)

2nd homestudy meeting

I met with my social worker on Thursday (9/4) for my second home study meeting. This meeting was all by myself...no Mike by my side. Once again this meeting was relaxed and comfortable. We discussed my childhood and my family....what I was like growing up...what I am like now. Our social worker is our advocate during this whole process so she needs to know everything about us so that we are matched appropriately. When I talk to others about our adoption, everyone seems to comment on the process and how frustrating it is that we have to jumps through so many hoops to "get a baby". I wanted to address this issue only because I have a different view on this topic. Naturally when someone decides to have a baby..they get pregnant and then they go to the doctor...not once....not twice....not even just three times.....but typically I'm guessing more than a dozen times. Then they go to parenting classes or birthing classes. Then they may or may not have a scare and have to go for testing. Then maybe they have to deal with morning sickness or swelling. This is my point...no matter how you welcome a baby into your family.....you still have to put in some work. My process is no easier or no harder....it is just different. The most important person in this process is the baby....that is why pregnant mothers get check - ups and that is why Mike and I have to fill out papers and "jumps through hoops". I have been presently surprised at how quickly this process is going and how easy it has been. The worst part was the paperwork....the meetings are easy and very necessary. I am glad there is someone to advocate my wishes...and advocates for the baby..and for the birthmother. So remember when you continuing reading about our journey that life is a process.....and all of this is necessary for us to come home with our child.

Okay....I've given in!

To the urging of my co-worker Toni, I have given in and started a blog about our adoption journey. I know that someday I will want to remember all of these dates and events...and with my memory I will have no clue what happened when. Mike and I are adopting through the Children's Home of Pittsburgh. In May we attended an orientation and decided that this was the agency for us. We had looked at several other agency's but decided that this agency was smaller and had more of a personal feel. After the orientation we then had the task of completing all the paperwork for the application. Now this isn't your normal 5-10 page application.....it looked more like a small phone book when we were done. I was impressed with our diligence to get it done....to my surprise we were one of the first families done. Since we were so speedy..haha...we started our homestudy months sooner than we were expecting. Last week ( Aug. 27 ) we went down to the agency and met our social worker. Everyone kept asking if I was anxious and to my surprise I wasn't. I do believe that had more to do with my busy schedule and little time to be "anxious" but I'm glad I wasn't becuase it was a relaxed, comfortable meeting. During the hour long session we discussed why we have chosen to adopt and our journey to this point. Like always...it is always remarkable hearing our journey...I think the social worker was a little surprised...and once again I was reminded that our path has made us stronger...as individuals and as a couple.
Many more meetings are planned this month...so I will try to write shortly after the meeting to keep everyone up to date. I know everyone is excited to know what is going on.