The Foster Care Program

Mike and I attended our 2nd class and 4th homestudy meeting this week. At our class we talked about the foster care program. This program has nothing to do with the state run program as it is run by the agency for only birthparents who are working with the agency. The program is designed to place children in temporary homes until the birthmother / birthfather decides if they want to parent or place the child for adoption. This program prevents a disruption where a child is taken out of an adoptive home and placed back with the birthparents. The average length a baby is in foster care is between 3-6 months. At first I was a little disappointed with the average length of time but I do realize there pros and con's to this. Of course the con's are obvious.....missing out on their first few months of life. But the pros are....maybe getting a baby who is sleeping more through the night, spending 12 weeks at home with a baby who is starting to develop more interaction skills, and of course...not having a disruption. So once again I will go back to my favorite phrase at this time in my life.....there is a child that is meant for us...and they will find us when they are ready.
During our 4th homestudy meeting we talked about us as a couple. Our social worker made me laugh when she told us that she had been a marriage counselor before this job for 10 years. I'm sure she has never lost that counselor mentality....I wonder what she was really thinking about our marriage!! The more we meet the more comfortable and at ease I feel with this whole process. I see now that all these meetings are very necessary.....she has to know who were are to represent our best interests.
One other important decision Mike and I have made is about when to tell our family and friends we have been matched with a child. After our discussion at the class and a few examples of things that can happen we have decided not to tell anyone about a match until we are heading home with the baby. I know that seems a little extreme but let me explain. Ideally we will be matched a few weeks before the birth , go to the hospital and come home with the baby....that scenario happens maybe 40% of the time. More likely we will be matched with an infant in foster care and then there is always a chance of being matched, being at the hospital, meeting the baby and then the birthmother decides to parent. It will be hard enough for us to hear about possible scenarios, maybe being matched and it falling through for us.....but it will be much harder having to explain to all of our friends and family what happened...over ...and over...and over again. We also may have the scenario of being matched 3 months before the birth....having 3 months to "attach" to the idea of having a child soon to only have it fall through post birth. These scenarios happen....and that is why we are going to spare are family and friends of the roller coaster ride. Now at times we may come to our friends and family for support when a match has fallen through. We hope that everyone understands our wishes and will be supportive with this decision. Plus....can you imagine getting a call from us describing the new family member....how exciting!!! Most of you know that I am VERY bad at keeping surprises but this is one I am really going to try and do. Hopefully we wont have to wait to long!