Summer is now here....and so we begin the season before L's little one is planned to arrive. We have one season. One season to sleep when we want....to go away just the two of us....to make priority of our needs first. We have lots planned....three DMB concerts...a trip to NY state....a trip to CO...a trip to VA....visit a water park. I am excited for this summer!
Though we have lots of trips planned I am busy working working working right now. I love being PRN...and am excited that this is working out so far. I have been working more than I was when I was full time....and have yet to use the extra time for all my projects I want to get done. Im sure I'll slow down at some point and all this hard work will pay off.
Not much is new on the adoption front. I have tried to talk to L less...which is hard for me. I find myself wondering what she is doing...how she is feeling. I need to give her space now so I will have space later. I have two current feelings floating through my head right now... "We still have lots of time" and " Oh no...only 4 months"! I attribute these to feelings to my entry into parent hood. I am excited to become a parent...it's kinda crazy we may be close. And if we are farther away than I expect...I am ok with that too. I still hold true that if she changes her mind...it wasnt meant to be. I learned a lot from this process and I am thankful for that. When asked by others about the adoption I tend to close up right now. I'm not sure why....I just don't feel like talking about it right now. I think I am tired of waiting....with this trust in someone whom could change my life forever or cause us a temporary heartache. How much can you really say to someone who will be sad if it doesnt work out...but it wont change their life plan. No matter how much our social workers tell us not to attach....wait and see...it is impossible. It is impossible to not fall in love...to not hope and pray....to not prepare for the possible arrival of our son. It is quite overwhelming. I do know it will work out the way it is planned...the way it is meant to be. I am ok with that....I am just ready to know the outcome.
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