Procrastination

I am completely and utterly procrastinating right now. I have a to-do list a mile long and here I am writing in my blog. There have been many times I want to write on a specific topic and I get too busy and the thought is gone. So...if the Father's Day cards are a little late you know why...I was blogging! :-) I mentioned how I have bean weary lately and I'm not sure why. As more time goes on I get attached to the idea of L placing her baby with us. I am hoping and praying that this happens. I am comfortable in this situation. I am ok with the idiosyncrasies of situation. I love the whole idea of the story working...how it has made such an amazing story so far and how it would truly be a dream if all comes full circle. It gives me answers to so many things...it completes so many open ended sentences. It prompts me say.... "I now understand." If you don't know..I am a thinker. I like to process life...why things happen...what am I suppose to learn from this....how will this change me. I have had many truly wonderful life experiences and I have had a few things which have been less than desirable. I think about all these experiences and I feel many things in my life have lead to this adoption experience. Things which the logical mind cannot explain. For this I feel very blessed. I think this is why I am so weary of the situation. I am scared this may not work. I have had way too much time to ponder the meaning of all this (5.5 months to be exact...but who's counting). I like the idea of this answering my questions...of making sense of other events in my life. I am afraid....but don't tell anyone. Haha!! But I will be joyous if this does work out. In the end if it doesn't I know there is another child that will call me mom....and we all will live happily ever after.