Surprise...I cant sleep.

Here's the rest of the story to why I am stressed out. 6 months ago we received an email which had the potential to change the rest of our lives in one instant. The truth of that statement lies in the fact that we would have to wait 8.5 months to figure out if that one second changed our whole life or just that particular 8.5 months. Following me here? That is adoption in a nut shell. One instant which will either change your life forever or change your current position in life for a smaller fraction of time. So...yes I am stressed...because I still have 2.5 more months to wait. 2.5 more months to ponder whether or not my life is changed forever. Yes...I.am.stressed! My mind is on the adoption most of the day. FYI: If I am with you and I am not talking about the adoption....don't bring it up!!! I need lots of distraction right now! Please continue to keep the prayers coming...I am hoping to make it through this with part of my sanity....wishes for that are also welcome! haha! :-)

AHHHHH!

CAN I TELL YOU I AM CURRENTLY STRESSED OUT!!!!!!

but i am learning to live with it.

Weekend Fun

Mike and I went to visit Steve and Emily in Buffalo, NY this weekend. We hit up a festival Saturday night for some good eats. When we got home on Sunday I got busy finishing up on a few projects. Here are a few pictures from the weekend!

Best piece of pizza EVER....notice it is the size of his head.

Name of the pizza hut...Campi's..look for at next festival!

Emily & Steve

Homemade baby bibs!

Homemade Baby Blocks

Homemade Tag Blanket

Waiting

Here are a few things keeping us busy while we wait. I am glad we have been busy this wait is feeling like the longest pregnancy ever...and I'm not even pregnant!

Hmmm?? Mike and Josh at St. Pattys Day Parade.

St. Patricks Day Parade on Mike's 30th Birthday!

My new shoes.

A bag I made that ties onto the crib. A little monkey found his way into the bag for the time being!

Fireworks at KennyWood Amusement Park.

End of the day watching the fireworks....we are exhausted at this point!

Before this current match I would have said that waiting was easy. I liked being ignorant that maybe someone was considering us to parent their child. Now though....the waiting is hard. I feel the weight on my shoulders get a little heavier each day. There has been a snag with this current situation which sometimes feels like an anchor which is keeping us grounded where we are. The birthfather is in the picture now more than before and he isn't sure what he wants to do...despite that he signed the paperwork. Hence you understand the wait on our shoulders. Once again...I have no control...and someone else is in control. I am ok with that.....I just would like to know one way or another. I would feel better if I knew that the birthfater could successfully parent...but he is not in the right place at this moment. I am frustrated, sad, trying to be optimistic, and slightly hopeful. I am trying to reflect on my life and figure out how I will handle things if this collapses right before the holidays. At times thinking about it I am saddened. But I do know I am blessed in many many ways. Those things and those people will help me through this and reinforce that I am blessed. We will be parents...when the time comes...and it still may be to this little boy. Only time will tell.

99 Days

MY CURRENT THOUGHTS:

Will she look at her baby boy and fall in love so much that she cant bare to let him go...or will she love him so much that she places him in our hands to love and cherish as much as she does. Because in the end...she will always love him...but the question is if will we get the chance. Sometimes this is too much to ponder and my mind has to let go of all of it and know that someone else is in control.

Its been a long wait. I am ready to know the outcome. We are ready to love if that is the path that is meant to be. 99 days left to go. According to the ticker we have waited 403 days. 99 days seems like eternity right now....even despite that fact that we have waited 403.