Birthmother Visit

Yesterday we went to visit with Leahs birthmother. Was I nervous...no. Was I anxious...nope. Was I excited...yes. Did I think there would be awkward moments...no. The trust and friendship that "L" and I have formed since placement is truly incredible. I don't really talk about it much...on some level I don't feel I need to defend my position with open adoption and on another level I feel this relationship is sacred to my immediate family. It is deeply personal and I truly dont want to hear any negative beliefs on open adoption nor am I very tolerant of misunderstandings of this relationship. I don't expect people to truly understand how I am so comfortable with this relationship. Until you are knee deep you can't fully understand. With that being said, I will now delve deeper into these feelings and experiences (you won't hear this information much from me....but someday I wanted Leah to be able to read these words and feel the love).
Yesterday was a gift from God. My memories flash back to us sitting at The Childrens Home in a meeting about openness. I remember thinking...I want to know the birthmom...I want to know the birthfather...I want to have a relationship. Yes...a little extreme and unguarded...but that is who I am. Over the past few months (we have only had Leah 2 months now)....L and I have sent emails.....then we became Fac*book friends....now we text each other....and if we feel we need to talk we call. How did I get want I wanted? Well....I didn't exactly get what I wanted....I don't know Leahs birthfather. But for return of letting go of that hope I became friends with a truly amazing person who made me a mother. When I think about my relationship with L these words come to mind....easy....truthful....devoted....inspiring...love...unjudgemental....trust. In two months...those are the words....truly amazing! Obviously you can tell that all of us were at a point where we wanted to get together and continue on this path. We made arrangements to visit at her parents house. My mom joined us as well as her parents and her daughter. The only worry I had was...should I bring anything! Kinda funny to think about that now...but I had no nerves or anxiety about seeing her or her family. We had never met her daughter...and she was as cute and bubbling as all 2.5 years old are! L's mom held Leah first...I can tell she was ready to scoop her up. Unfortunately Leah is in a little bit of a "momma girls" stage and wasnt too keen on anyone else holdng her. She blessed everyone with a few tears and "joyous" cries that only a mother can appreciate. We spent three hours getting to know each other better....watching Leah play with her birthsister....sharing stories about this journey...and just getting to know one another better. We had some good laughs....we had a few tears....but we never did feel awkward. My favorite story told by L was about placement day. L and her mom had an hour visit with Leah before we arrived at placement. During the visit Leah was restless and squirmy in L's lap. At placement L handed me Leah for me to hold as we shared a few sacred moments. Leah instantly became calm and feel asleep. As L's mom said...."Leah knew that is where she belonged". I'm sure that moment has aided them in their healing. During the visit my mom got to get to know L's parents and truly enjoyed her time with both of them. She got to meet the person who made her daughter into a mother...and for that she is truly grateful. Leah dictated that is was time to leave with some crying.....and out the door we headed. Before we left there were a round of hugs and a few tears shed by many. We all agree that Gods hand has touched us all and made this happen. L and her family have so much love for this little girl and they truly believe that we were always meant to be her parents. We are so grateful that we are blessed to have their trust and blessed to have found a new friendship with all of them.