The Message

The past month I have been plagued with feelings of doubt, frustration, and annoyance over the slow workings of our social worker. The whole story is that I believe she only works part time and she is busy with many adoptive families, all in different stages and games. This part I know, but at times I still feel she should be able to respond to emails and complete tasks she said she would quicker than the 5 -30 day turn around which she is currently producing. At the same moments of annoyance, I hear a small little voice in my head saying " listen and remember". We have gone through all of this before, the slow workings of a social worker.....the long drawn out process....and look where we ended up. With a perfect child for our family. I can't imagine life with the little boy who we thought would be ours for 8 months. God plays a much bigger role in this process then I or the social worker. I know this but for some reason I am still learning and I still need to listen and remember.

I started reading a book (Soul Print by Mark Batterson), which is basically screaming the message to me that there is a plan created by God. A plan I can't control and one that will be more bountiful than I could have ever planned or taken credit for. Here's a quote from pg. 69:
"The goal is not accomplishing the dream God has given you. The dream is a secondary issue. The primary issue is who you become in the process. We fixate on what and when and where. God's primary concern is always who. And He wont get you where He wants you to go until you become who He wants you to be."

Wow! Maybe I should wake up and smell the roses. As I continue on my everyday life, which includes reading adoption blogs, another blogger quoted Psalm 139:
"all of the days ordained for you were written in His book before one of them came to be.”

Ok....so I get it. I hear it. Now I need to truly embrace it. I truly feel that Mike and I do a fairly good job at being patient during the waiting process. As I am learning though, I need to do a better job at the preparing to wait process....ie. the paperwork and homestudy process. Deep down I know this is not my plan, this is not my story to tell. I know God will provide us with another wonderful perfect child for our family when He sees fit. Apparently I need to stop being silly and be who He wants me to be. So...OK...I get it. Hopefully my friends and family will hold me accountable now that I have this in writing!