6 months - where did you go?

The truth: My little is an early bird...which means no more early morning mommy time. Having two litte ones I find little time to write a post....though I think I will miss not being able to go back and read. Currently it is 6 am...and dad just got done feeding Lucas and he is now babbling in his crib at his sun crib toy which is signing to him. Today he slept in. Yep...you read that right. He enjoys waking between 4:45 and 5am on most days. We rotate who gets up with him and when I do.....I love that time. He is a very cuddly little guy. He will wrap himself around you snuggling right into the crook of your neck. What a sweet little guy. Little though may not be the right word anymore. He is now 8 months and weighs almost 22 lbs. He has very few rolls though since he is so long. I haven't measured him in awhile, but at his 6 month appt he was in the 97% for height. I wont be surprised if next Christmas he is taller than his sister, who is in the 50%. I completely anticipate that everyone will think he is older than Leah at some point due to height. I have already been asked if they are twins....which I thought was ridicoulous.
Things have been pretty status quo around here. Working fulltime and having two kids age 2 and under keeps me very busy. I wont say it is harder having two littles, it just takes a lot more time to accomplish one thing. Lucas has started crawling so I'm guessing it will take even longer now. Leah is realizing that he can now crawl over and get her toy...which she isnt too fond of right now.
We have also been passing around a cold for 3 months now. I have been sick three times and the kids are on their second cold. Mike has escaped all the colds, lucky guy. I've had it with cold season and may need a padded room if I get another one. Lucas had a double ear infection and didnt cry a bit! He wanted to be held more but that was it. I couldnt believe when the doctor said he had an ear infection....what a little tropper.
My gram has also been ill this fall and has now moved into a nursing home. We are grateful she is still here with us though it is sad knowing she is in more pain and in a place that doesnt feel like home. We can only pray that God will welcome her to her eternal home and give her peace and relief from her suffering.
I will post pictures and more about Christmas. The kids were very blessed by everyone and now there playroom is full of toys. It is hard trying to incorporate the true meaning of Christmas with a two year old but she did learn that is was Jesus's Birthday. I often heard her signing Happy Birthday this month...which I thought was very dear.

Summer Fun

I promise I will finish Lucas's story...but not today. I am officially on "summer" contract, which entails only 10 hours of work each week. Love that my attention is now on the kiddos and all kinds of summer fun. There have been serious talks of me staying at home....but I am torn more than the hubby. I love my job...and I love staying at home with the kiddos. And....I would love to be a foster momma. I can't do all three. This summer will hopefully lead me to an answer. I do know that I will at least work this next year. Then maybe I will try to finagle a part time position or maybe I will just adjunct teach a few courses. In the mean time I am going to have fun with the kiddos.

Lucas turned 2 months old on Monday!!

11lbs 8 ozs
23 inches

The doctor said it was rare to have a baby so social!
He smiles at EVERYONE!

Loves playing in his play gym and bouncer.
Started batting at toys.
Doesn't mind tummy time (at least compared to his sister who hated it).
Loves to cuddle with whoever will hold him.
Holds conversations with the sweetest sounds.

Just slept 8 hours last night for the first time!!!

We are loving this boy....he is truly a precious happy guy.
God has blessed this house and this family again.

Here are some summer fun pictures:

I know I am partial but aren't these two the cutest! I just got tears looking at their precious faces and smiles. Now that's why I want to stay at home.

What happened to April and May?

It's 3am in the morning and I've just got done putting a load of laundry in the washer and cleaning and organizing under the sink. Aparrently I've completly lost my mind...since those with one month old babies tend to like their sleep. Lack of sleep has been a constant battle of mine for years (scratch that...my mom reminds me I never slept as a child...so I suppose it is actually my normal), so I now tend to embrace this time and get things done. Mike enjoys waking up to a clean house and who can blame him...it's like a clean house fairy...she turns dirty piles into clean baskets of folded laundry.....dusts the living room......baby bottles become washed and filled for the next day. Wow....sign me up! Okay...this is not what I intended to write about (maybe I should rethink adding blogging to the night shift of things I can accomplish).


Thruthfully I intended to write about the amazing April that followed my sucky March. Waiting in adoption is hard. It was hard the first time but it was sooo much more difficult asking to be shown for situations and then just waiting. Last time we had the luxury of "not knowing" each time...which is a blessing. This time around we had to ask to be shown for 90% of the situations we were presented to. I tend to be slightly obessive compulsive with things (and that too I get honestly...dad), and I would check the sites mutliple times a day. Then I would asked to be submitted and then we would wait. In the mean time I would drive EVERYONE crazy with the updates...because I was sooo consumed. Then it happened...we found out a birthmother had chosen us. I was so excited. We had the chance to speak with her on the phone....and then....things started to unfold. I'm not sure if it was a full out scam....but it was pretty close. I spent an entire day on the phone with agencies and attorneys, doing research to find out what really was the truth. In the end we turned down the match. I truly felt this individual was pregnant and probably was going to place her baby for adoptoin...but it was too unethical for me to be involved. Had she been due in a few weeks maybe we would have stuck it out...but her due date was changing...so who knows how long we would have been waiting.


After that I was pretty down and contemplated stopping the process all together. I tend to consider myself a honest and ethical person. It was difficult to see the world in a way that was dishonest and unethical. I know this is reality....but it hit too close to home this time. I decided to stick with our original plan and wait for the agencies we signed up to find us match. (The above "match" was through a facilitator).


But...as you know...I am obsessive...and continuted to check the websites. I came across a situation which was posted on a website by an agency. Well....you can guess where this is going. The situation was posted on a Sunday regarding a baby that was due in another state that coming Wednesday. It was now Monday. I sent an email with our profile. In a few hours the social worker returned my email asking for our homestudy which I quickly sent. I then told Mike I was submitting for the situation. The SW felt we were a good option for this situation and told us she would speak with us later. By the afternoon she felt we would be choosen and that she would call us after meeting with the family. I was slightly confused since she didnt meet witht the family yet but just decided to wait it out. The evening passed and we finally surrendered to bed thinking we were not chosen. It was 10:30pm when the phone rang....an out of state cell phone. Holy crap! It was the social worker telling us that they would like us to parent their baby! I was pretty speechless on the phone. Here we sit across the country with nothing ready for a baby boy ( we had only been waiting for 1 month) and we had to fly across the country in less than 48 hours...to hold our son. What?!?!
Needless to say little sleep was had that night. We were busy booking flights and hotels, filling out paperwork, packing. Then there was my frantic attempt to find everything gender neutral for the baby out of Leah's old clothes...and then wash all of it. It is comical (now) to think about me going through plastic bins in the basement at 2am in the morning...especially since I felt the need to do it at warp speed. There still maybe opened bins with clothes spilling out right now...who knows...I've never gone back to look! We both had to go to work in the morning since no one knew this was happening and we had to tie up lose ends as we would be away for a few weeks. By 6am Wednesday morning we were at the airport and ready to board the plane. It was a quick 30 or so hours ..... highly stressed and emotional. We attempted to support each other as best we could but there were a few points when we each were struggling. This was such a blessing but we were taking a risk. We didn't know anyone who had used this agency and we had never spoke with them until the day we were chosen. We had no proof of pregnancy...only a hand typed one page word document on the birth family. Overall the financial risk was null...since the agency does not collect funds until after placement and consent (was is irrevocable in this state). Sometimes you just know it is going to be ok. This time...I just knew it was going to be ok.

Since this post is getting long...I will write soon about our arrival in another state and his birth.

4 Days Left

I still am not loving March but do hope that in the last 4 days some redemptive qualities will emerge. But...I'm not banking on it. This week has been crazy like all the previous ones in March. Work has been crazy with an upcoming conference I am hosting at our college. The event is this saturday and I'm so ready for it to be over. I have enjoyed the challenge of organizing it but have decided that the conference and the adoption are a little too much stress. These two things together are leaving my pillow lonely. My fieldwork students are ending their first rotations and unfortunately I had to attend a site Friday to fail one. It was pretty sad but I feel every effort was put out by myself and the fieldwork educator. Once again I was reminded of the phrase, "What will be, will be." Hhmm.....maybe that should be tattooed on my hand so I can be reminded of this everyday.

And of course, the adoption process is going strong and kicking my butt at every turn. I believe the score is now 0 -4, with us losing. Can I tell you sarcastically how much I love PA adoption law? Well, for that matter, the fact that every state has different adoption law. It is nearly impossible to try and understand how each state works and what is and is not allowed. We are trying to wait to hire a lawyer until we know we need one....but I'm thinking we need one just to interpret whether or not we can even be shown for some situations. That was the battle this week.

I know I do seem quite negative. Truthfully I am not. It's just been a difficult month on so many levels. I can still recite lots of good things in life (a great visit from my parents yesterday, Leah and her spunky toddler behavior, no more wallpaper in the nursery, a husband who is getting excited about the next adoption, great friends). We are so blessed even in this time of sadness and frustration. Thank goodness. (Otherwise I would be better friends with my wine bottle)!

Dear March 2011 - You Suck! Love, Megan

Yes, you read it right...March 2011 sucks. Most of you are thinking...well....they must not have been chosen to parent that baby. Yes....we weren't chosen. No one was chosen. The state took custody of the baby. I'm not even going to get into how that makes me feel. But do know that my heart is heavy with sadness for that little baby.

Moving on.....we have had 3 deaths in one day: an unborn child, a old co-worker of Mike's who was 78 and died in a horrible car accident and Mike's uncle who left this world too early with too much sadness. Seriously. So yes, March sucks.

My brother and sister-in-law welcomed a daughter into this world. I am happy for them. Our relationship is struggling and my heart is also very sad for that. I'm not sure where to turn next on that road.

There you have it. Sadness overflowing in this house. We will carry on as this shall too pass. I can tell you though that I gave Leah a few more hugs today (which is crazy because I hug her ALL THE TIME!!).

Progress and Set Back in One Week

We haven't heard one iota regarding the baby born last week. No decision has been made so we continue to stand in the land of "limbo". After an entire week of waiting I am much more calm and able to go about my day without it occupying my mind quite as much. That being said, I frequently check the status page just in case a decision has been made, as I want to be able to move on if we aren't chosen.

We have gotten a tremendous amount of things accomplished this week, and for that I am grateful this situation has presented itself. We never would have started on the nursery or finished up those other projects so quickly. The wallpaper is in the process of being ripped down, most of the things are out of the old office/new nursery, the playroom ceiling is painted (the windows, baseboards, and ceiling were yucky brown) and all the baseboards have been ripped out of the nursery and playroom. Landscapers are coming today to fix the flower beds (many are sloped towards the house from too mulch) and lay rock. I am sooo excited for that to be done! As you can see, it has been full steam ahead.

The set back was something I didn't see coming and I never will. On Wednesday I was at my small group for a church program we are doing for Lent. One of the other members had recently had a baby and was discussing her difficult pregnancy which included kidney stones. She didn't mention anything else so I was really surprised when she said, " I would adopt before I ever got pregnant again." She had no idea I was an adoptive parent, though she did know I had a 16 month old. At first I wanted to respond by saying, " Well let me know if you are serious, as I am an adoptive parent and could give you lots of info." But I didn't say anything. Later I thought about it a little more and that's when I really began to struggle with what she had said. I am struggling through this adoption process, just as I did the first time. This process frustrates me beyond anything else going on in my life. Emotionally this is hard, it is hard waiting. Physically, I have lost a few pounds this week (and trust me....I would love to lose a few pounds most weeks but it rarely happens). No...my body isn't morphing as it does in pregnancy...and no...pregnancy is very difficult (and most days I am glad I can't have my own children...ask my best friend as she can vouch for this). BUT....please don't make the judgment that adoption is the easier way to become being a parent. She never has walked in my shoes as I have never walked in hers. I did not judge her pregnancy, nor would I compare her kidney stones to my endless frustration with our social worker. I'm not sure why people think this process is easier. Maybe they think there really is stork who fly's over our house and just plops the baby down in the empty crib. No people...it doesn't work like.

Finally

After a "longer than we wanted" wait, we finally have our homestudy!! I was so excited but my excitement didn't spill over to Mike. He was happy but didn't see the urgency to get the agency applications in the mail that very second like I did. Unfortunately my excitement quickly turned into frustration BUT it's ok...because we are two different people with different expectations and feelings. He HATES the adoption process. Therefore I get stuck with most of the tedious tasks. He is all for adoption and in support of another child...but trying to motivate him to help is nearly impossible. Fortunately we have a strong marriage and figured out how to handle this better....without me getting frustrated and stressed. So...after all of that, 3 agency applications were sent out in the mail on Thursday and arrived Friday! What a happy day for this family. One step closer to our next family member.
Then....with all of that excitement...I came across a situation for a baby who is already born. One of my secret obsessions is searching the internet for adoption situations. Yes, I admit that I spend way too much time doing that. I'm ok with it. I explained to Mike the situation and yesterday we sent in all of our paperwork. I think we might me completely delusional at this point. Getting a baby now goes against every ounce of "planning" we did. Now, planning in adoption is more of a fairytale wish, but we all like to believe we have a tad bit of control. After we sent in all of the documents I began to panic internally. We have no nursery set -up, I have no idea where all of those newborn supports are for the carseat, I have none of Leah's gender neutral clothing pulled out of those clothes bins let alone washed, I couldn't even begin to tell you where the bottles are stored. REALLY?!? So we came up with a plan and it goes something like this: Turn office/craft room into a nursery. This requires the following: move all craft things to basement and organize this space, Move computer desk to spare bedroom and organize this space, take down wallpaper and refinish walls, paint everything in nursery (new baseboards, doors, window trim, ceiling and walls), get another crib and dresser, fill with baby things...which we either need to buy or find in our storage! Once again, REALLY?!? So...I've decided that if we end up with a baby this week we are in trouble. If this is not our baby, then maybe this was God's way of telling us to get started. Either way, I am ok with it.
Now that we are active I am asking everyone to say a little prayer for us, all of the expectant mothers who are struggling in their decision and for all those little ones who are finding their way home. This is a tough process and we as adoptive parents have the lightest load to carry. Sometimes I forget that...but truly it is the truth. Look for updates....maybe you'll get cute baby pictures or a torn apart room. I know everyone would like cute baby pictures better BUT either way you will get both nursery and baby pictures....someday.