After the initial shock that our match fell through we realized we had to tell EVERYONE. Since we were matched for 8 months...it was a little hard to keep the adoption a secret. Therefore EVERYONE knew. A few weeks later and still not everyone knows that the match is over. At least every other day I run into someone who does now know. I find myself avoiding people occasionally that don't know. It's not that I get upset..or that I am upset about the loss....I am just plain tired of telling the story and getting that "OMG....I'm so sorry" pity look. They all mean well but really I am fine. Then the conversation goes...." Are you really ok...or is this just a front you are putting up." Nope...really ok here. No one seems to believe that we are really ok. Through out this whole experience we have had realistic hope. We still do.
When everything fell apart I pondered what I was supposed to learn from this. I think I now realize. It wasn't about how to deal with loss....I got that down already....It wasn't about how to be a stronger person....once again....I got that down. I really think it was to make me realize how blessed and how awesome my life is. I did know that....but every since that fallout I have felt that even more. The stress of the our match was starting to consume me and I think that was very normal given the situation. Sometimes throughout adoption you want a child so badly because you think this child will make your life full and complete. In the end...I don't need this baby to make my life whole...it really already is. So now here we wait...for our child...feeling happy and blessed. I really have the best friends and family a girl could ask for. My life is full with them.
When we do get our child that will only be icing on the cake. 
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